For everyone who loves public education we are pleased to announce TNSC Bill 2.  This legislation will set up a government run grocery store system.  Everyone will pay for their groceries through their property taxes and will be zoned for a specific grocer.  Even if you choose to use a private grocer you must still support the government grocers (GG) through taxation.

Keep in mind, we cannot possibly meet all of the unique interests, conform to multiple cultural standards, or serve all the needs of such a diverse community in one location.   Therefore, we apologize in advance if your assigned grocer does not meet your needs, have the products you want, costs 2 – 3 times what groceries cost in the private sector, is dark, dingy and possibly dangerous, or does not have the operational hours you prefer.  However, please remember you will now receive “free groceries!”

Please remember you will be subject to fines and imprisonment should you falsify your residency for the purposes of getting your groceries at another districts grocer even though they may have better or safer products or offer services and products your family requires, but are unavailable at your zoned GG.  Remember they may pay a different tax rate and we can’t possibly allow you to attend regardless of need or how dangerous your current GG has become.

In a related story TNSC Bill 1, establishment of a line of trucks for GM (government motors) is still stuck in committee.  In a partisan divide proponents are demanding GM build trucks in addition to the GM sedan.  They say some people need to use their vehicle for transporting cargo not people.  However, opponents say this would reduce the amount of available work for the GM sedan union workers and that just isn’t fair, especially since the TNSC Bill 1 would allow more flexibility in the truck factories which wouldn’t be unionized.

You may remember the sweeping reform bill that died a fast death last year which would have allowed for free market reform in the form of vouchers given out to all citizens allowing private companies to compete with GM.  Proponents said factories would spring up manufacturing, not just sedans, but sport cars, vans, trucks, etc.  Opponents said this was a dangerous idea; building cars is much too important to let a bunch of amateur capitalists participate in.

(Just in case it’s not clear, this is satire)

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